You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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