We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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