Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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