i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
