Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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