im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
