Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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