But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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