Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize