oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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