every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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