someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
