he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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