I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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