I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
