I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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