I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
