I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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