the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you didnt know i had herpes?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
