If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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