why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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