Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
