made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
