its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
