Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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