I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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