If i come over, it means nothing
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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