Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
