So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
