This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't deserve a penis
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize