No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
