How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
