since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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