I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
