On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
