Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
