My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
