in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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