You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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