I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize