Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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