He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
