I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
