OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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