I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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