I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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