Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
