Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
