i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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