Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
