I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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