my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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