Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
