totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He has the fingertips of a God
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
