hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize