i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
