I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
