It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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