In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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