The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
