FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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