kristin has been a bad kristin
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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