so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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