Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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