You can't motorboat a personality
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
