3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
