But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
