Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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