I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
