you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
